Oh, the Nano You'll Know
or too much room at the bottom.
A Nano-play that rhymes
By Peter Sinn Nachtrieb

In 2006-07, Six Bay Area writers, including myself, were commissioned by The Magic Theatre and The Exploratorium (and Sloan Foundation too I think) to write 7 minute plays about Nanotechnology. We conducted our own investigations over the year and created some nifty pieces about the science and issues surrounding the technology. Well, after two small readings, it's just been kind of sitting on my computer so I thought I might as well share it. You know, to help fill the need and desire for short plays about science!! (There are some jokes here that a small subsection of the American Public will find hilarious, and hopefully a few that are universally humorous)

So, without further ado, is this my 7 minute play about nanotechnology. (And hey, drop me a line if you're interested in performing it or something)


(A lectern, screen, and powerpoint projector is set up.

SCIENTIST ONE enters confidently, slowly, seriously. He stands behind the lectern, takes a beat and begins.

Slides can underscore all the speeches.)

SCI ONE
Good day, fine folk, your attention please.
I would like to commence by showing my degrees.
That's 12 PHDs. One I earned in a week.
While still maintaining an impressive physique.

Underneath all this genius, I do have a heart.
I read fiction, play trumpet, and buy modern art.
But my soul: it aches deep
with the suffering of the Earth.
What can I, one man, do to improve our net worth?

I will tell you: I science! I pioneer!
And I have seen the future, clear!
Our worldly troubles that loom so tall
Can be dwarfed into nothing by thinking real small!

I touch atoms, molecules, the building blocks of life.
I innovate solutions to painful human strife.
By precise manipulation of every nano-ounce.
Behold! A brand new ball that will never lose its bounce!

(He proudly holds up a tennis ball or it's on the powerpoint.

SCIENTIST TWO enters. She's not impressed.)


SCI TWO
Clap clap clap. A ball? Holy crap.
That's really quite impressive.
That justifies your ego size to be completely excessive.
It's kind of depressing, with your degrees and professing
  and desire to stop the world's "menace",
That the work you pledge is so "cutting edge"
  Is basically only for tennis.

SCI ONE
And who are you?

SCI TWO
My name is Sue. I'm a scientist too.

SCI ONE
Well whoop tee doo.

(SCI TWO takes over the lectern and powerpoint.)

SCI TWO
When I was a lass, I made stained glass
With my nana in her condo with a view.
She gave me some articles, about the size of gold particles
That gave each pane their hue.

I was blown away, still to this very day
How something so little could, in a big way...

(SHE gets lost in dreamy thought where words elude her)

And so, with nano, I chose to elope.
Off to Vegas, I married my scanning probe 'scope.
Quantum physics, chemistry and other fields of study
swelled my brain, to a point of pain,
they're my only drinking buddy.
I burn the oil every night as I toil
to discover a breakthrough advance.
Don't act too astounded but, doggone it, I found it!
  I have invented stain resistant pants!

(SHE pours something on her pants which rolls off impressively, or a slide of it)

SCI ONE
I'm not sure why she chose an advancement in clothes
  To deem more supreme than my ball.

SCI TWO
His invention, you should know, is so five years ago
At today's rate of change, that's Neanderthal.

(SCI ONE takes over the lectern)

SCI ONE
May I proceed?

SCI TWO
Whatever you need.

SCI ONE
My "toy" that you serve is just an hors d'ouvres,
  The first of many a solution.
For I have devised, many things nano-sized
That will lead an industrial revolution!

SCI TWO
So do I, you should know. I got lots more to show.

SCI ONE
Oh yeah? Bring it on. How small can you go?

(SCI TWO takes over the lectern)

SCI TWO
How about 1 nanometer, you insolent boob.
"Cause that's the diameter of my carbon tube

(A powerpoint slide of a tube)

SCI TWO
Stronger than steel, yet light, thin, with grace.
Building structures unreal,
Like an elevator to space.

SCI ONE
Can your tube cure cancer? Oh, I think not.
What can? Oh yes. My cute quantum dot.

(a slide of a quantum dot)

SCI ONE
As true as this woman has no sense of humor
My dots can detect the tiniest tumor.
It enters the cell with its nano gold shell
That'll heat, burn and eat that cancer to hell.

SCI TWO
Time will tell if that'll actually work.
I hear it fries healthy cells. Nice one, jerk.

SCI ONE
We're working it out, our research is young.
I assure you it's safer than carbon tubes in the lung.

SCI TWO
I will not sit here and be castigated
Just because what we do is not regulated!
I'm tired of answering to complaining resistors
Whose hearts will melt when I invent new transistors!

(slide of a new chip)

SCI TWO
Those "ol silicon chips will seriously pale
When they see my neat switches of molecular scale.
More powerful, more dense. Frankly, more pensive.
Not too mention, bargain shoppers, much less expensive.

SCI ONE
Ooo. Your pipe dream electronics make me
jealous and trembly.
NOT! For I will master the process of self assembly.
Like nature itself, since its first little pup
My new nano tools build from bottom to up.

(powerpoint)

SCI TWO
Compelling in concept. In reality, no way.
And not as keen as my machine that'll talk to DNA.
They'll go into your cell, say hi, ask and tell
And can even make little adjustments as well.

Or, if you want to know if you have some genetic "fever,"
It will easily be discovered my by nano-cantilever

SCI ONE
Well, I have invented a nano-bar code.

SCI TWO
Have you seen what I can do with a molecular light emitting diode?

SCI ONE
I could create nano-robots that self-replicate too.

SCI TWO
Oh don't even start with that BS gray goo.

(pause)

SCI ONE
Well, I think you're ugly.

SCI TWO
Your mama was a whore.

(They start to approach each other in a hostile fashion)

SCI ONE
You're a disgrace to the species.

SCI TWO
I want to hit you with an oar.

SCI ONE
I doubt you have clout and I hate your inventions!

SCI TWO
I can't bear your foul lair of thick pretensions!

SCI ONE
You should leave here right now. Go on, get thee hence
Before you get sprayed with what I made for the Department of Defense.

SCI TWO
I work for them too, good luck, try your best.
My body is protected by my awesome nano-vest!

SCI ONE
Give me the lectern!

SCI TWO
Oh save your bad breath.

SCI ONE
(unrolling sleeves)
Let's settle this like scientists.

SCI TWO
Fine. We fight to the death.

(They struggle for control of the remote and the lectern. The lectern falls and perhaps forces them into a compromising position of closeness.

Bristling panting sexy tension.)

SCI ONE
There's fire in your eyes.

SCI TWO
It crackles in you too.

SCI ONE
Passion for small size.

SCI TWO
And for a love that is true?

(pause. Their lips are really close to each other bristling with electricity)

SCI ONE
It's strange, this deranged electric draw.

SCI TWO
Yes. I feel this appeal to break Ohm's law.

(They kiss passionately)

SCI ONE
That kiss.

SCI TWO
Oh bliss.

SCI ONE
Do I owe you an apology?

SCI TWO
It's made me merrier

SCI ONE
It broke a barrier.

SCI TWO
Just like nanotechnology.

(pause)

SCI ONE
Sometimes I wonder why we're doing all this rhymin'.

SCI TWO
Seems like derision to the vision of Richard Feynman.

SCI ONE
You and me?
We work similarly.
We share a passion for discovery.

SCI TWO
That now I see.
We seek beauty.
And best practice methods of dip pen nanolithography.

SCI ONE
We are two lonely tubes suspended in substrate.

SCI TWO
Dare we tremble, self assemble and...collaborate?

SCI ONE
We've got to stop fighting.

SCI TWO
We're screwed if we can't.

(They both turn to the audience)

SCI ONE
Perhaps you could help, panel members:

SCI ONE AND SCI TWO
Can you give us both a grant?

(END OF NANO-PLAY)


Oh the Nano You'll Know by Peter Sinn Nachtrieb is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

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